The Vicki Eydie Show: Around The World/istanbul/fiesta In Rio/south Seas Scene/hawaiian War Chant... Lyrics - Live At Last - Bette Midler

"And now, And now, And now! 

Comes my favorite part. 

This is the part where 

I get to expose myself, 

to... Cleveland. 

All my hopes, fears, 

dreams and desires, 

right here, right now, 

in this little section. 

I have been in showbusiness 

for 10 years and every time 

I have to go back on the stage 

I have this dream, 

That I am trapped in an act, 

not of my own design, 

In this act, I demonstrate 

the kind of performer I might 

have become, had I not been 

blessed with brains, 

talent and gorgeous tits! 

Yes indeed Ladies and Germs, 

in this, in this dream I demonstrate 

the kind of preformer I would have 

become had I only been blessed 

with gorgeous tits, yes, here they are! 

Here thay are, You've read about them 

in people magazine, they were featured 

on the cover of life. 

Octover 1st, 1954, 

3 year old baby with 38 inch chest. 

That was something to behold! Ahh. 

Now, the name of the performer 

that I play in my dream is 'Vicki Eydie', 

Vickie Eydie is definitely a lounge act, 

Vickie Eydie is not the kind performer 

who goes around singing any old kind of song 

she wants to sing, you understand! 

No, this act, what can I call it? It is a global revue, 

She does not, of course, travel alone, no, 

She has hired a once famous, singing trio! 

'The Dazzling Eat-ettes' 

And if I am not mistake, here they 

comes this very mimette, 

minute!! Here they come! 

'The Dazzling Eat-ettes' 

Oh God! Welcome to my nightmare!" 

"And now! 

The 'Plywood Room' 

high atop 'Swingos Celebrity Motor Lodge' 

in gorgeous downtown 'Seven Hills' 

is thrilled to present, 

The inevitable song stylings 

of the internationnally acclaimed 

Miss Vicki Eydie! 

In her internationnally acclaimed 

'Around the world Revue' entitled 

'Around the world in 80 ways!' 

And now, he-e-e-ere's Vicki!! 

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! 

Around the world Ive searched 

for you, I traveled on when hope 

was gone to keep a rendezvous. 

Say, I knew somewhere, sometime, 

somehow, you would look at me 

and I would see the smile youre smiling now. OOH! 

It might have been in County Down, 

or in New York, or Gay Paree, 

or even, London Town. 

Hey! What difference does it make? 

No more will I go all around the world, 

for I have found my world in, 

Y-O-U, HEY! Ha! 

"What difference does it make!? 

Jokers, Tokers and Smokers! 

How are you tonight!? 

Where are you tonight!? 

And how does your sign say!? 

Have we got a little treat in store for you tonight! 

We're gonna take you on a wonderful little 

trip around this glorious little globe of ours! 

we feature songs of many colors, and flags of lots of nations 

And the first stop on this whirl-wind cavelcade. 

The exotic Middle East! 

With a veritable 'turbular' tune. 

Here we go, Girls! OW!" 

Istanbul was Constantinople 

Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople 

Been a long time gone, Constantinople 

Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night 

Every gal in Constantinople 

Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople 

So if you've got a date in Constantinople 

She'll be waiting in Istanbul 

Even old New York 

Was once New Amsterdam, Hey! 

Why they changed it I can't say 

People just liked it better that way 

Nya, Nya, Nya! 

Sing the song Girls! 

Nya, Nya, Nya! 

[Repeated] 

Sing out, Sing out. 

Nya, Nya, Nya!... 

Wow! 

So take me back to Constantinople 

No, you can't go back to Constantinople 

Been a long time gone, Constantinople 

Why did Constantinople get the works 

That's nobody's business but the Turks' 

HEY!!! 

"But no time to linger! 

No time to linger! 

Vicki Eydie gets preposterous 

on the bosperous! 

But as I say no time to linger 

in the Auderman empire, 

For I hear by the sound of the 

castanettes, we are off, 

off, off, off we are off. 

Off to Br-r-r-r-r-r-r-azil! a-Br-r-razil. Brazil... 

Land of hope, Land of hemp. 

Hmmmm. 

I wrote this next musical composition 

for the festival at 'Piranha Del-Rey' 

Unfortunately I did not win 

that particular festival, 

OtherwiseIi would not be here in, 

er... Cleveland! Tonight 

But makes no, nevermind! 

For me, this song sums up the 

essence of the Latin-American experience. 

See if you don't understand what I mean" 

It was Fiesta. 

Tropical moonlight. 

It was, it was Fiesta 

and he held me so tight. 

I thought, I thought I was dying. 

But I just had the clap. 

It was Fiesta 

and I had the clap. 

What to do in Rio, 

when you can't even pee-o? 

I had a bum time, 

though it was fiesta. 

I-I-I-I-I-I-I! 

When he turned the light down low 

he said, "Oh Miss Vickie, I, I want you so." 

I was a forced, forced to remove myself from his lap. 

You take care at Fiesta. You beware, beware at Fiesta. 

Oh there at Fiesta, he will give you the . . . 

[ Clapping to beat ] 

Wa-hoo, Hey! 

"Catchy, huh? 

Yeah, I thought you'd enjoy that! 

But no time to linger in South America, 

For I hear by the sound of the slide guitar, 

That it is time for us to move along, 

Yes, indeed Ladies and gentlemen, 

we are on our way, and just in time 

for Vicki Eydie's South Sea Adventure! 

Ahh, the South Sea's, The South Sea's, 

where I found peace, contentment and 

many tropical fruits I had not known before! 

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Vicki Eydie eats papaya! 

We are about to recreatefor you, one the most beautiful 

and sensual of all the native rituals for you and 

here are some beautiful and sensual native's right now!" 

In the south sea island of Tawanga, 

I let myself go. 

What a beautiful setting for romancing, 

and the palms sway too and fro. 

And the island men are so handsome, 

they make you really know, 

what it's like not to be left lonely 

as they sing soft and low. 

If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up. 

If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up. 

If you're cracking up, why don't you pack it up? 

You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love 

Two-Three-Four 

Aaaahh-Way 

Lack-of-nookies-got-me! 

Aaaaahh-Way 

Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya! 

Aaaaahh-Way 

You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love! 

They took me down by the waterfall, 

they showed me their island ways. 

They gave me beautiful flowers, 

and pretty good island lays. 

I forgot about what was right, 

and I learned what was very bad. 

But now I am the princess of the island, 

and they make me feel very glad. 

If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up. 

If you're cracking up from having lack of shaking up. 

If you're cracking up, why don't you pack it up? 

You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love. 

Two-Three-Four 

Aaaahh-Way 

Lack-of-nookies-got-me! 

Aaaaahh-Way 

Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya! 

Aaaaahh-Way 

You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love! 

That's Right 

You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love! 

That's Right 

You got to find yourself a crazy kind of love! 

"Here we go!!! 

Time to sing along with Vicki Eydie! 

Don't you want sing along with Vicki Eydie!? Yeah! 

Ok, forget music! 

I sing first, then you, 

Get it? 

Got it? 

Good!" 

If you're cracking up from having lack of shacking up! 

If you're cracking up from having lack-- 

God, what a quiet, quiet little group. 

What a quiet, tasteful little group! 

Now that the lights are on, 

I see just how quiet and tasteful you really are! 

Let's try it again! 

Me first, 

Then you, 

Real loud! 

If you're cracking up from having lack of shacking up! 

IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP! 

Wonderful! 

If you're cracking up from having lack of shacking up! 

IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP! 

If you're cracking up... 

IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP! 

Why don't you pack it up! 

WHY DON'T YOU PACK IT UP! 

And find yourself a crazy kind of Love! 

AND FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE! 

"Now here comes the hard part. 

Now, many Caucasians have a lot of diffulty 

wrapping their little mouths around this parts. 

because this is real Polynesian, you understand!" 

Ahh-Way Lack of nookies got me I see it has! 

AHH-WAY LACK OF NOOKIES GOT ME! 

Next phrase! 

Ahh-Way, Come on I want to lay you. 

AHH-WAY, COME ON I WANT TO LAY YOU! 

Excellent! Excellent! 

Why much better than we had hoped! 

"Why, my Goodness me, do you think we can do it up to tempo!? 

Do you think you can do it up to tempo!? 

[Audience:] YEAH! 

Let's go! 

Up to tempo for the little Mother-Fucker's! 

HERE WE GO! 

IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP! 

IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP FROM HAVING LACK OF SHACKING UP! 

IF YOU'RE CRACKING UP, WHY DON'T YOU PACK IT UP! 

YOU GOT TO FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE! 

TWO-THREE-FOUR! 

AAH-WAY! 

LACK OF NOOKIE'S GOT ME! 

AHH WAY! 

COME ON I WANNA LAY YA! 

YOU GOTTA FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE! 

THAT'S RIGHT, 

YOU GOTTA FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF LOVE! 

THAT'S RIGHT, 

YOU GOTTA FIND YOURSELF A CRAZY KIND OF L-O-O-O-OVE!... 

You're out of the woods, 

you're out of the dark, 

you're out of the night. 

Step into the sun, 

step into the light, 

then open your eyes 

and love will open, ahhh, 

open, ahhh, 

open, open, open, open up. 

Nicky Arnstein! 

Nicky Arnstein! 

Nicky Arnstein! 

Hey! Come on along and listen to 

the lullaby of Broadway. 

The hi-de-hi and boopa-doo. 

The lullaby of Broadway. 

The band begins to go to town 

and everyone goes crazy. 

You rock-a-bye your baby 'round 

'til everything gets hazy. 

Hush-a-bye, I'm gonna buy you this and that, 

you hear your daddy sing. 

Then baby goes home to her flat 

to sleep all day. 

Good night, baby. 

Good night. Milkman's on his way. 

Sleep tight, oh, my baby. 

You sleep tight. Let's call it a day. 

Listen to, the lullaby, 

of ol-gone, you know it's old. 

Come on along Broadway! 

yeah, brodway, yeah, broadway! 

The lulla-lullaby of Bro-o-o-oadway! 

Yow!