Lower Your Expectations (if You Want Love) Lyrics - Bo Burnham

We all want love 

How many single ladies out there looking for love tonight? 

(Whoo) Yeah, 'whoo' that sadness away 

Some more where that came from 

Ladies, I know what you want (want, want) 

You want a gay that's sweet, a guy that's tough 

A feminist who likes to pay for stuff 

The kind of guy who gets along with your friends 

Without being attracted to any of them 

A good boy, a bad boy, a good, bad boy 

A half-good, half-bad, half-boy 

Loves your brother 

Sensitive but not weak and is a good lover 

Calls your mother on the weekend 

You might think this guy only exists in your mind 

Guess what? You're right 

If you want love 

Then lower your expectations a few 

Because Prince Charming would never settle for you 

If you want love 

Just pick a guy and love him 

And if he's got a thing for feet, say 

"Fuck it, sweep me off them!" 

Now, the good thing is that 

At least men have very realistic expectations of women 

He said, sarcastically setting up a second verse in a comedy song 

You want a girl that's nice 

A girl that's not obsessed with her looks, but is insanely hot 

The kind of girl that you can show to your folks 

Loves the movies that you like and always laughs at your jokes 

A real girl, a hot girl, a really hot girl 

A brand new really hot real doll 

Wants to impress you 

Doesn't care if you notice 

And only ever uses you to tickle her throat with 

You might think this girl only exists in your mind 

Well, she's real 

But last week, she died 

If you want love 

Lower your expectations a lot 

You might think your dick's a gift, I promise it's not 

If you want love 

Just pick a girl and love her 

And then whip out your dick 

And let the girl you love decline the offer 

I don't want a neat freak, I don't want a slob 

Somebody with bedhead and a dead end job 

'Cause I won't settle for less than perfect 

We want perfect children, a perfect life 

A perfect husband or a perfect wife 

But deep down we know, we don't deserve it 

But, we all deserve love 

Even on the days when we aren't our best 

'Cause we all suck 

But love can make us suck less 

We all deserve love 

Love is the best part of being alive 

And I would know, I just turned twenty-five 

(That's young)