Diet Song Lyrics - Bobby Bare

Breakfast black coffee one slice of dry toast no butter no jelly no jam 

Lunch just some lettuce two celery stalks no booze no potatoes no ham 

Dinner one chicken wing broiled not fried no gravy no biscuits no pie 

And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin' sure is a rough way to die 

So pass me a carrot stick peel me a prune a glass of skim milk and that's all 

Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial it's drivin' me right up the wall 

And I'm thinkin' of french fries sausage and waffles spaghetti and cookies and cake 

And each night I'm dreamin' of chocolate ice cream 

And I'm starvin' to death when I wake 

[ guitar ] 

Supper two pieces of cauliflower raw some beefsteak the size of a nail 

One sliced tomato a small dab of slaw I swear I ate better in jail 

Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose girl that's the least you can do 

Put down that candy bar while I'm singin' I'm starvin' my pants off for you 

You're fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes 

But it's bouillon and water for me 

Hey you got a lock on the refrigerator Lord knows where you're hidin' the key 

While I'm starvin' for food late at night I'm starvin' for lovin' from you 

But you say that when I can see my own dick you'll be glad to look at it too 

So pass me a carrot stick peel me a prune a glass of skim milk and that's all 

You and Jane Fonda and old Richard Simmons are drivin' me right off the wall 

Now when I am dead with the insurance paid you'll look down at me and you'll grin 

You'll say well the boy tried and he suffered and died 

But don't he look good when he's thin oh my 

And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin' sure is a rough way to die