Lactose Intolerant Lyrics - Cyndi Lauper

I lack the enzymes 

To properly digest lactose 

I can't drink cow's milk 

I can't drink milk from a goat 

Yogurt, cottage cheese 

Make me throw up 

Please no cream in my cup 

My stomach is swelling 

I am lactose --- intolerant 

My throat is constricting 

I am lactose --- intolerant 

-- parody from 9/15/95 Bonnie Hunt episode of "Late Show with David 

Letterman"; to the tune of "Time After Time"