Mum, I'm off to California
Tyler wants me to go with him
Oh, thanks for your last letter
It was great to hear from you
I'll buy you a computer
Emails don't need redirecting
Can't wait for all that clean fresh air
And healthy living too
It's so different here from Ilford
Life's so fast and so aggressive
Every night I've got a headache
They all shout just to be heard
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I miss our games at Scrabble
I don't think I'll get over
That time when you got equinox
Down on a triple word
Girls, remember in the fifth form
We all fancied Kevin Bailey - cor!
He seemed such an Adonis
How we worshiped at his shrine
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Well, I've met a bloke just like him
But unlike Kevin Bailey
Tyler doesn't have bad acne
He's not spotty, and he's mine