If Stuart Could Talk Lyrics - Dickies

I got a little friend, he's with me to the end 

What does he say? 

I ask him for opinions and political decisions 

Each and everyday 

I know that it's a dream dirty and obscene anyway 

If Stuart could talk, what would he say? 

If Stuart could talk, what would he say? 

If Stuart could talk, what would he say? 

What would he say if Stuey could talk to me? 

Whenever I'm alone, I'm really not alone 

He's always there 

When I am going to falter and I'm standing at the alter 

And there's not a prayer 

I know it's up to him if I ever sin anyway 

What would he say, what would he say? 

"Yes, my name is Stuart and I assure you I can speak" 

"And lately I find myself astounded 

At the sort of company you keep 

Something further I must mention 

Of this fact I cannot understand" 

"Is your insatiable attention at annoying me with your hand? 

And in closing, may I offer this point must be succinct? 

My purpose is for procreation and not facilitating in your sin"