This Offer Is Unrepeatable Lyrics - Elvis Costello

DON'T SEND ANY MONEY! 

For fate has no price 

Ignore at your peril this splendid advice 

An invaluable link in an infinite chain 

An offer like this will just not come again 

You wish you had women to charm and bewitch 

Power of life and death over the rich 

Young girls will be swooning because you're exciting them 

Not only fall at your feet but be biting them 

Guaranteed, guaranteed to capture your breath 

Or possibly scare you to death 

Sign it and seal it and send it to friends 

Don't mention my name 

Don't make any long term plans 

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In thirty-six hours your fortunes will change 

Your best friends won't know you and neither will strangers 

Do not keep this letter, it must leave your hand 

You have been selected from over five thousand 

A twister and dupe will bamboozle or hoodwink you 

I can't say more, it would only confuse you 

The wine they will offer will go to your head 

And you'll start to see double in fishes and bread 

Guaranteed, guaranteed for a lifetime or more 

Guaranteed, for this world and the next 

Guaranteed, guaranteed for the world and its mother 

Cherish this life as you won't get another one 

UNLESS you should take up this fabulous offer 

Don't leave it too late or you'll be bound to suffer 

Woebetide anyone so woebegone 

You won't know you're born or about to pass on 

Photos 

You'll never get tired 

You'll never get bored 

By the way, I just hope you're insured 

If you're not satisfied 

If you want more 

We can always provide an improved overture 

Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable 

This offer is unrepeatable 

Your troubles will vanish 

Your tears will dry 

Your blessings will just multiply 

Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable 

This offer is unrepeatable 

Guaranteed, guaranteed to bring fortune and favour 

In a riot of colours and flavours 

Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable 

This offer is unrepeatable 

Would I lie to you? 

Would I sell you a dud? 

Just sign on the line 

Could you possibly write it in blood?