Alexander The Great Vs Ivan The Terrible Lyrics - Epic Rap Battles Of History

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! 

ALEXANDER THE GREAT 

VS! 

IVAN THE TERRIBLE! 

BEGIN! 

Look alive 

Crème de la Kremlin's arriving 

Try to serve Ivan 

No surviving 

You're a land rover, I'm a land expander 

Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander 

I'll school you like Aristotle 

Smack you harder than you hit that bottle 

You're nothing but an overrated lush, I'll crush ya 

I'm the first Tsar of all of Russia 

You're an asshole with an anastole 

I'm heaven sent, divine and holy 

So don't even try to approach the God 

Or you'll get a huge sack like Novgorod 

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Hey fella, swell diss 

But now you got the Panhellenist from Pella hella pissed 

Stepping up's foolish as well as useless 

Little Vasilyevich, let me spell out the list 

I brought foes to their knees in Phoenicia 

Breezed through Gaza to Giza 

Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iraq and Pakistan 

In my expansion pack 

While you died in the middle of a game of chess 

You got vodka bars, flavorless 

And what I'm about to spit will be the craziest 

So go fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed 

Kudos! Greek for the glory I got 

From winning every single war that I fought 

So this will be straight forward, I'll take up this sword that I brought 

And slice you in half like the Gordian knot 

And I'll soar to the top like the eagle whose feather I would sport in the helmet that I wore 

As I swatted my many enemies, shattered 'em like a porcelain pot 

And they'd be praying for the torture to stop 

But I would leave 'em contorted and they'd be screaming and roaring 

Until their vocal chords were torn up and shot 

And I would holler Bucephalus! 

Hop on my horsey and trot 

I win Ivan, I vanquish 

I'm an immortal, you're not 

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Enough! 

I don't stand a chance against your skills 

на здоровье 

A drink to your victory 

Yes, I will 

It seems no one can defeat me 

I weep, it's all so easy 

Oh! 

What's wrong? 

I feel a bit queasy 

Ha! You've been poisoned! 

Oh, the pain is unbearable! 

My stomach's riddled with holes! 

Ugh, I'm terrible 

There's no great who could defeat this Russian 

Psst, what about a flute busting Prussian? 

(Old Fritz, old fritz! 

Old Fritz, old fritz! 

Old Fritz, old fritz! 

Old Fritz, old fritz!) 

I'm Frederick the Great, out the gatefirst servant of state 

Oblique attack tactics ain't exactly straight 

I've got creative talents and battle malice 

Hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace 

Russia's fucked up but no wonder why 

With your tundras and taigas and bears, oh my! 

I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes 

If I had to look at your troll face every night 

Now bring me my chair 

I'm weary from tearing you a new derrière from here to Red square 

Fought a Seven Years' War, I ain't scared of a Tsar 

Cause beating you only took me twelve bars 

Oh, what a humiliating defeat! 

I know when I am beat 

So of course, take a seat 

I'd keep ripping you to shreds 

But I'll take a break instead 

And just rest my little head 

Why don't you drop dead, Fred?! 

Hmm, my expectations were a lot higher 

But at least I saved the rubles on the garrote wire 

It's another great day and another great victory 

Cause no great can beat me 

What about me? 

Pompey! Yeah! 

Macedonians, Prussians and Romans 

Those aren't worthy opponents 

It takes a Russian to take down a Russian 

I'm Cath, I'm a cat, you're a rodent 

How are you the head of our state 

When the state of your head was such a crazy one? 

Such sick shit going through your brain 

That you stuck a spike through your own son (Oooh) 

You're unbalanced like I unbalanced the European powers with the wars I waged 

I brought the Russian empire straight out of the olden days and right into the golden age 

I'm the boss bitch that you just can't meddle with 

This whole battle's like Alaska cause I settled it 

Hmmm, what a beautiful Queen to beat me in a battle 

Accept this gift, Your Highness: I hear you enjoy the saddle 

That horse story is a pile of shit 

Though I do keep 'em chomping at the bit 

But you're never gonna get it, nyet 

Couldn't spin in my chamber if this were Russian roulette 

I'm picking up where Peter the Great left off 

Bringing sexy back to House Romanov 

So don't call me Queen, I'm far more great 

Empress to Tsar 8, bitch 

Checkmate 

WHO WON? 

WHO'S NEXT? 

YOU DECIDE! 

EPIC! 

RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!