Victoria's Secret Lyrics - Obsessed - Jim Gaffigan

I have been to Victoria's secret I had a reason. 

You know as a man you need a reason to be in Victoria's secret. 

You can't just be in there like I'm looking around, see what you ladies are buying. 

I was getting my wife something for Valentine's Day. 

You have to reach a point in a relationship where you can get a women something from Victoria's secret. 

It's not like a first date thing like thanks for meeting me for dinner, I got you a bustier. 

Why don't you go in the bano and throw that on. 

Secretly every guy wants to go in Victoria's Secret we walk by in the mall were like one day. 

One day I'll have a reason. 

Cause you know we've seen the catalogue. 

You don't even have to search out the catalogue, it just shows up in your mail. 

You're like um what's this? 

Seems like there's some good articles in here. 

If I wasn't married I could get rejected by all these women. 

A guys were just dumb enough we see that Victoria's secret store and we think maybe that where those models live, there probably in there right now waking around in angels wings. 

Probably in there having a pillow fight right now. 

If I could find a practical reason to go in there, it would be amazing! 

And then you finally go into Victoria's Secret and it's like a Greyhound bus station. 

What are you guys in between shifts in here? 

Where's all the angels? 

There's just stressed out sales ladies with headsets on, "underwear underwear underwear" Where's the open bar? 

But you're still a guy in a women's underwear store and you don't want to look like a creep. 

That's why every man in Victoria's Secret has the same expression on his face of boring! 

This place is boring because I'm not a pervert. 

There's nothing stimulation in here cause it's boring to me, especially those huge posters of supermodels mostly naked. 

Bor- . 

I didn't know what I was looking for so I went up to a saleslady, who had the warmth of a TSA screener, what do want? 

Nothing, I didn't touch anything I'm leaving. 

I tried to be discrete, I was like look I'm looking for something for my wife. 

She's. 

She's very intelligent, uh she's creative, cause you can't say I'm looking for a slutty outfit. 

She volunteers, she's organized, maybe that French maids outfit would be good. 

Then I was thrown cause the sales lady was like what size? 

And I was like size? 

Uh Female. 

A small? 

Cause you don't want to guess to big, you want be hey you'll grow into it. 

I thought you was much bigger. 

And you can't ask a stranger, like hey excuses me there lady you look like you go kiester like my wife's, what size undies you got there. 

Maybe you could try on this uh outfit I got. 

I just wanted it over with, when I was paying I assumed the awkwardness was over until they handed me my purchases in a bright pink Victoria's secret bag. 

That I had to carry around the mall the rest of the day, that might as well just said pervert on the side. 

Doo doo do doo doo carrying my ladies undies. 

I like ladies undies so much I got a bag full of em. 

Heading in to burger king, yeah I'll have a whooper with cheese and a small fries for the ladies undies. 

When I got home I realized you have to find the right time to give your gift from Victoria's secret. 

You can't be like hey when you're done changing that diaper I got another changie poo for you. 

It's a little gift from me to you that's really for me. 

Cause if you're buying a women something from Victoria's secret it's really a girt for you. 

It's like hey here I got me this. 

Thank you, I'm welcome. 

I'm never going back there again. 

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