Absolutely Positively..... Practical Jokes Lyrics - Singles - Mc Lyte

I play practical jokes just to get a laugh 

I put roaches in my neighbor's bubblebath 

But anyway, one day she called upon me 

She said, "Lyte, it's an emergency" 

My next door neighbor had an errand to run 

I said, "Why Ms. Davis, ask your son" 

She said, "Ricky's at his grandmother's" 

I said, "Well, what about Tommy, the younger brother?" 

She said, "See, umm, he's at the pharmacy" 

I said, "He'll be back soon how much longer could it be?" 

She said, "C'mon, please, it's just a trip uptown 

If you leave right now, you'll be back before sundown 

Hurry up, there's not a moment to spare 

It absolutely positively has to get there" 

Umm, I contemplated then I played a good Samaritan 

Started the car, then she threw the package in 

It absolutely, positively has to get there 

It absolutely, positively has to get there 

It absolutely, positively has to get there 

It absolutely, positively got to get there 

Pumpin' out the music on the FDR 

Not far behind me was a DT car 

So I eased up selector, 55 the digit 

But on the FDR, 40 is the limit 

Here they come, sirens on 

I could see myself in jail 'til the break of dawn 

But they rolled right by, it wasn't me they was after 

A little red corvette, they was tryin' to capture 

Dread I feel sweat so I set down my jacket 

Look up ahead, now that's what I call traffic 

Dipped to an exit and I made my way through 

Couldn't believe when I hit First Avenue 

On a Honda's ass, just about to crash 

Looked at the gauge and the shit said no gas 

Zero, nada, nothing in here, see 

In car terms the shit was on empty 

Got out and pushed the shit to the side 

Hailed a cab then I caught a quick ride 

To the house of inflation, yes, the gas station 

Gave a little tip to show my appreciation 

Got back to the ave where I left my car 

It wasn't there but it couldn't have gone far 

Damn, I must have got towed 

Tried to figure out how much money I owed 

Went to the pound and I paid my debt 

Think that was the worst, you ain't heard nothin' yet 

Bumped into that crackhead Sam, I used to see 

And like always, hand out, give me money 

In my tank was a dollar's worth of gas I had to get to a nice machine fast 

It absolutely, positively has to get there 

It absolutely, positively got to get there 

It absolutely, positively got to get there 

It absolutely, positively has to get there 

As I left the bank to walk back to the BM 

Couldn't believe what my eyes were seein' 

Looked at the back tire, it was flat 

While the other three were so damn fat 

A brother walked by and offered his help 

Ordinarily I woulda did the shit myself 

But he changed it quick, so I passed him a ten 

Here I go on this journey again 

Went to the gas station to fill it up 

When a crackhead from nowhere grabbed the pump 

I said, "Look, I don't need your help today" 

And I scared the motherfucker and he was on his way 

Oops, a cat, shit, scrat 

Fur on my tires and all that 

What's this, a stroke of bad luck? 

But at this point, I don't even give a fuck 

I got to get the package to the destination 

No matter what the confrontation 

I arrive, bag in my hand 

Lookin' for a woman named Pam 

She opened the bag, it was wrapped tight and snug 

But in that bag, yo, in that bag 

45, guess what, it was a box of Q-tips 

A box of fuckin' Q-tips, man