The Ferret Song Lyrics - Singles - Monty Python

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose 

(He's got a ferret sticking up his nose) 

How it got there I can't tell 

But now it's there it hurts like hell 

And what's more it radically affects my sense of smell 

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose 

(It pokes its head out every time he blows) 

I can stand it for a while 

Although it's absolutely vile 

It's not as bad as last week when I had a crocodile 

I can see a bare-bottomed mandrill 

(Slyly eyeing his other nostril) 

I really won't know what to do 

But if he jumps inside there too 

I shall be a proud possessor of a kind of nasal zoo 

(A nasal zoo) 

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose 

(It starts singing when he wears his formal clothes) 

I can almost stand the noise 

But at parties it destroysMy hard-earned and carefully cultivated social poise 

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose 

(Worst of all it constantly explodes) 

Ferrets don't explode you say 

But it happened nine times yesterday 

And I should know for each time I was standing in the way 

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose 

(He's got a ferret sticking up his nose) 

How it got there I can't tell 

But now it's there it hurts like hell 

And what's more it radically affects my sense of smell