Mrs. Worthington Lyrics - Noël Coward

Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington 

Don't put your daughter on the stage 

The profession is overcrowded 

And the struggle's pretty tough 

And admitting the fact 

She's burning to act 

That isn't quite enough 

She has nice hands 

Give the wretched girl her due 

But don't you think her bust is too 

Developed for her age? 

I repeat, Mrs. Worthington 

Sweet Mrs. Worthington 

Don't put your daughter on the stage 

Regarding yours 

Dear Mrs. Worthington 

Of Wednesday the twenty-third 

Although your baby 

May be keen on a stage career 

How can I make it clear 

This is not a good idea? 

For her to hope 

Dear Mrs. Worthington 

Is, on the face of it, absurd 

Her personality 

Is not, in reality 

Exciting enough 

Inviting enough 

For this particular sphere 

Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington 

Don't put your daughter on the stage 

She's a bit of an ugly duckling 

You must honestly confess 

And the width of her seat 

Would surely defeat 

Her chances of success 

It's a loud voice 

And though it's not exactly flat 

She'll need a little more than that 

To earn a living wage 

On my knees, Mrs. Worthington 

Please, Mrs. Worthington 

Don't put your daughter on the stage 

Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington 

Don't put your daughter on the stage 

Though they said at the school of acting 

She was lovely as Peer Gynt 

I fear on the whole 

An ingénue role 

Would emphasize her squint 

She's a big girl 

And though her teeth are fairly good 

She's not the type I ever would 

Be eager to engage 

No more buts, Mrs. Worthington 

Nuts, Mrs. Worthington 

Don't put your daughter on the stage