I'm So Good That I Don't Have To Brag Lyrics - Shel Silverstein

Now I'm warnin' all you women, don't stand too close to me 

'Cause you might catch fire 

Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag 

Well I'm three parts tiger and one part snake 

I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake 

And I'm so good that I don't have to brag 

I need an adding machine to count up all the women 

I've ruined for other men 

Now compared to me Paul Bunyan is a screamin' fag 

I can shift more gears and pump more juice 

I'll turn you every which way but loose 

And I'm so damn good that I don't have to brag 

Now there's twenty thirty beautiful women 

A sleepin' at the foot of my bed 

And every night, every night I hear 'em sighin' 

They say that I don't miss a thing 

They say that I'm the lovin' king 

And I'm too nice a guy to say they're lyin' 

Now I've been makin' love professionally 

Since I was only six years old 

And I really learned the way to wiggly wag 

And still I'm such a modest man you know 

I'm twice as great as I think I am 

I'm so good that I don't have to brag 

There's a line of chicks startin' at my window 

And reachin' across the street 

And it stretches 'way to the other side of town 

They come to me from across the seas 

On their knees just sayin', "Please" 

And I'm too nice a guy to turn 'em down 

Now I once got captured by some 

Amazon women down in the Fiji Isles 

They were fightin' over me to see who'd be my bride 

I had to kill them all and I will admit it 

And I won't tell you how I did it 

But I'll tell you each one was smilin' when she died 

Now the day I die every woman 

In the country's gonna go around dressed in black 

And they'll probably add another star to the American flag 

And they'll build me a monument forty feet high 

Sayin' it's a shame he had to die 

He was so damn good he never had to brag 

And I'm tellin' you men keep 

Your eighteen year old daughters off of my back 

And your wives, they like the way I carry on 

And why don't you go look at your mother for a while 

You notice she's wearin' a funny sorta smile 

Well that just means I've been there and I've gone 

Now if you got a frigid woman 

I'm gonna cure her for a hundred dollars 

You can bring her around my house at four o'clock 

And you can come and pick her up at 4:03 

If you can pry her off of me 

I got a whole lot of others just waitin' 'round the block 

Now if you're wonderin' how you're gonna get to me 

Better bring a Cadillac full of money 

'Cause I sure as hell ain't gonna swing without no swag 

I can make you creep, I can make you crawl 

Make you scream and climb the wall 

And I'm so good that I don't have to brag 

So baby don't call me up at three o'clock 

In the mornin' no more threatenin' suicide 

I mean go ahead and do it honey 

'Cause wakin' me up is a drag 

And you can leave a note for all the rest 

Sayin' at least you had the very best 

And he's so damn good that he don't have to brag 

Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me 

'Cause you might catch fire 

Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag 

I'm three parts tiger and one part snake 

I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake 

And I'm so good that I don't have to brag