Craig Lyrics - The Craig Machine - Stephen Lynch

Everyone knows Jesus 

The guy who healed the lame. 

Well I am Jesus's brother 

Craig is my name. 

Jesus is the Prince of Peace. 

Jesus is the Lamb. 

Jesus is the Son of God 

But Craig don't give a damn. 

Because when Craig's in sight 

We'll party all damn night. 

I don't turn water into wine 

But into cold Coors Light. 

I'm not my brother, I know, 

Don't walk on H2O, 

But I got hydroponic shit that me and Judas grow. 

I'm fuckin' Craig 

I'm fuckin' Craig 

Yeah I'm fuckin' Craig 

Craig Christ 

I hang out with Lepers, 

Barabbas and Salomon. 

Jesus's friends are called Apostles. 

Those dudes are totally gay. 

Jesus performs miracles 

From Galilee to Rome. 

But it would be a miracle 

If he brought a fuckin lady home. 

Because when Jesus is prayin' 

Fuckin Craig is layin' 

Every lady in the Testament 

You know what im sayin? 

I won't die for your sins 

Like my famous kin. 

But if you have a little sister 

Then theres room at this inn. 

I'm fuckin' Craig. 

Yeah I'm fuckin' Craig. 

Fuckin Craig. 

Craig Christ. 

Jesus was our mothers fave. 

All her love to him she gave. 

But there's no sibling rivalry 

When he's nailed to that tree. 

Yeah 

And now the question for you 

Is not "What Would Jesus Do?" 

But where will you be 

When the Craig Machine comes partyin' through? 

And if the Lord will allow 

You've got to ask yourself how, 

and who and why and when and where is your messiah now? 

It's fuckin' Craig. 

It's Fuckin Craig. 

Fuckin' Craig. 

Fuckin' Craig. 

Craig Christ. 

Craig Christ. 

Craig Christ. 

I'm fuckin' Craig.