If I Were Gay Lyrics - Stephen Lynch

Here we are dear old friend 

You and I drunk again 

Laughs have been had and tears have been shed 

Maybe the whiskey's gone to my head 

But if I were gay 

I would give you my heart 

And if I were gay 

You'd be my work of art 

And if I were gay 

We would swim in romance 

But I'm not gay 

So get your hand out of my pants 

It's not that I don't care 

I do 

I just don't see myself in you 

Another time another time 

Another scene 

I'd be right behind you if you know what I mean 

'cause if I were gay 

I would give you my soul 

And if I were gay I would give you my whole being 

And if I were gay 

We would tear down the walls 

But I'm not gay 

So won't you stop cupping my...hand 

We've never hugged 

We've never kissed 

I've never been intimate with your fist 

You have opened brand new doors 

Get over here and drop your drawers