Orlando Lyrics - Ugly Americans

I was sitting naked in a Holiday Inn down in Orlando 

And it was the morning of the last day of the year 

I didn't know who I was and I thought I mightve been Evan Dando 

But if I was him then what the hell was I doing here 

So I asked myself one simple question 

What would I do with the rest of my life? 

If I knew I couldnt fail, I guess I'd get the hell out of Orlando 

And find me a rich and beautiful wife 

'Cause I dont want to do a damn thing 

And I want to be appreciated 

And I want to get paid well 

And I dont want to be hated 

I dont want to do a damn thing 

Except lie in the sun 

And be loved, loved, loved 

Loved, loved by everyone 

So I called up the front desk to see if I could rent a porno 

They said you better have a credit card 

I said, Honey, Im pretty hard up but I aint got no Visa 

I said, Honey could you please, uh, help me? 

She said she was sorry but I think she was just disgusted 

And I was kinda disgusted myself 'cause it had all come down to this 

And I felt like a pervert but goddamn it gets lonely 

When youre sitting in your hotel room naked as a jaybird 

Down in Orlando in the middle of the night 

So I called up an old friend to see how he was doing 

But he sounded like a robot and it was like I barely knew him 

So I said I had to go, then I couldnt take it any longer 

You know the desire to throw my naked body 

Out the fifth floor of the Holiday Inn kept getting stronger 

I tried to take a cold shower but I couldnt get my nerve up 

I just sat in that hotel room and tried to cut my own hair 

That was the worst idea that I had all day 

But goddamn, it gets lonely down in F L O R I D A 

Then I thought to myself just what the hell was a jaybird 

And just what the hell does it look like and what the hell am I doing 

So I tried to write a song about it but this is all I got 

You know I sang it for your girlfriend and she said she liked it a lot 

Except the part about killing myself 

And the part about trying to find a rich wife 

She said, You should have gone to sea world 

You might have had a better time 

I said, Honey, thanks for the input, thanks for the advice 

But I think that the only way Im ever going back to Orlando 

Is if I live life twice 

'Cause I dont want to do a damn thing 

And I want to be appreciated 

And I want to get paid well 

And I dont want to be hated 

I dont want to do a damn thing 

Except lie in the sun 

And be loved, loved, loved 

Loved, loved by everyone