Sex Machine Eulogies Lyrics - Vital Organ Auction

Dear friends and dear family: 

we have gathered here today 

to celebrate the beauty of 

Rooney & Jolley, 

two of humanity's finest human beings, 

who were taken from us all 

by a terrible limousine accident 

As a bisexual who saw them both 

in the tux, the dress, and the buff, 

I know I will speak for everyone 

as I recall what made them truly great 

Related 

Songs That Will Make You Cry Uncontrollably 

Watch Will Smith perform to iconic song 'Prince Ali' from Aladdin 

Love Stinks, So Here Are 15 Anti-Valentine's Day Songs 

Rooney made the babes cry like Niagara, 

sent them flying without taking Viagra 

More pork in his barrel than ConAgra 

So orgasmic it mattered little to me 

that he never remembered my name 

even as my body recalled his stamina 

Jolley had organic Hollywood breasts, 

those teeth as white, as bright, as Crest 

Two hips that kicked like George Best 

Bucked in bedrooms like Denver Broncos 

More black tea in her tank than Texaco 

Hon had a tongue that could summon tornados 

Sit down, sit down, sit down & 

reflect on the sex machine eulogies 

Send folks off into Heaven the way 

that we measured them in mortality 

Check Out 

Modern Love: The Best Top 40 Love Songs For Valentine's Day 

Can You Guess The Song By The Emojis? 

Who Will Perform At The 2019 Grammy Awards? 

Match These Taylor Swift Songs to Her Ex-Boyfriends 

Rooney, Jolley 

Jolley, Rooney 

Rooney, Jolley 

The King and Queen of perfecting sexy 

Rooney, Jolley 

Jolley, Rooney 

Rooney, Jolley 

The King & Queen of God's Eternity 

If only Rooney would resurrect, 

so we could worship his ass 

If only Jolley would wake up, 

so we could adore her rack 

O our dear Barbecue Backside, 

(Why?!) 

O our dear Aphrodite Melons, 

(Why?!) 

we can't focus without you 

(Why?!) 

Sit down, sit down, sit down and 

reflect on the sex machine eulogies 

Send folks off into Heaven the way 

(the way, the way, the way), 

that we measured them in mortality 

Let's celebrate this commemoration 

of these two divine creations 

by honoring all the living who 

stay foxy until their cremations 

Rooney epitomized the total individual 

Hairline paid out daily residuals 

Enough to house domesticated animals 

His winks hardened any nearby nipples 

Whenever he passed a wishing well, 

he never tinkled, or stole the nickels 

Hardly wrapped his assets with Wranglers 

or lifted his shirt to flash that six pack 

Standard envy before hotties attacked 

Jolley exemplified such a special person 

Her glance made every loin burn 

Topped VH1's Top 100 Head Turns 

Infidel to all underwear religions 

Ensured that men knew they were 

near a miracle of soy-milk skin 

Manis and pedis like Christmas lights 

She pilfered from select purses only 

Always told a party hostess goodnight 

Sit down, sit down, sit down and 

reflect on the sex machine eulogies 

Send folks off into Heaven the way 

that we measured them in mortality 

Clutch their memory to your breast, 

the memory of their lasting beauty 

Rooney! 

Jolley! 

Rooney 

Jolley