Moses Vs Santa Claus Lyrics - Singles - Epic Rap Battles Of History

Epic Rap Battles of History! 

Moses 

Versus! 

Santa Claus 

Begin. 

Sweet robes, Obi. 

Wan-too-many days in the sun? 

Stop preaching homie, 

teach your flock to covet some fun! 

I bring joy every year, 

man I represent cheer 

you represent sandals and a scraggly beard! 

I'm from the North Pole! 

That's why my rhymes are so cold! 

I spit diamonds but 

I'm serving up some fresh coal. 

You been a naughty boy 

you brought a plague of frogs! 

You best arrest yourself, 

you broke your own law! 

Or was there something in rule six 

I didn't understand? 

My list says 'killed Egyptian dude, 

buried him in sand.' 

I read your book 

You got a strict religion 

NO BACON!? 

But mandatory circumcision? 

I'm a jolly bowl of jelly 

giving holiday presents 

but all the chosen people 

ever get for Christmas is jealous. 

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When I was high upon the mountain 

God revealed the truths of the Earth 

but he never mentioned a fat ass Papa Smurf 

It takes nine reindeers to haul your fat ass 

You took the Christ outta Christmas 

and just added more mass 

You need to stop breaking 

into houses and creeping and peeping 

on naughty kids while they sleeping 

and keep your hands off my stocking 

Don't you ho-ho me 

I'll split your ass in half 

like I did the Red Sea 

You ain't a saint you a slaver 

like a Pharaoh in the snow 

stop with the unpaid labor 

and let my little people go 

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We ain't slaves! 

all that sand turned your brains to mush! 

I think you need to stop smoking all that burning bush. 

Yeah we're magical workers man! 

We hang with reindeers. 

Yo, here's a GPS 

who gets lost for forty years? 

You're a glorified secretary so write this down 

Begat deez nutz 

Santa Claus is coming to town. 

So much drama in the Israe-L B.C. 

It's kinda hard talking directly 

to the G-O single D! 

Hand me my chisel 

I got a new commandizzle for y'all 

Thou shalt not let children sit 

on a grown man's nap at the mall 

I'll beat you ten times 

before the bread can rise, you dummy 

and walk off into the land of my milk and honeys. 

Who won? Who's next? 

You decide! 

EEEEEEE-E-E-E-E-E-E 

E-pic Rap Bat-tles of Hi-sto-ry.