Skipper Dan Lyrics - Alpocalypse - Weird Al Yankovic

I starred in every high school play 

Blew every drama teacher away 

I graduated first in my class at Juilliard 

Took every acting workshop I could 

And I dreamed of Hollywood 

While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard 

Hit the boards and paid my dues 

And got phenomenal rave reviews 

I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt 

I was sure that Tarantino would be callin' me on the phone 

Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone 

But the years have come and gone 

And I'm sorry to say that's not the way that it's all worked out 

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I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride 

Skipper Dan is the name 

And I'm doin' 34 shows every day 

And every time it's the same 

Look at those hippos, they're wigglin' their ears 

Just like they've done for the last 50 years 

Now I'm laughin' at my own jokes but I'm cryin' inside 

Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride 

Oh, the critics, they used to say 

I was the new Olivier 

Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes 

Aw, but don't bother tryin' to IMDB me 

The only place you might possibly see me 

Is ridin' my little boat around Adventureland 

It ain't exactly what I planned 

Photos 

But I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride 

Skipper Dan is the name 

And I'm doin 34 shows every day 

And every time it's the same 

I would've killed if I'd been in "Speed The Plow" 

But what's the difference, that's all behind me now 

Cause I'm payin' the rent and I'm swallowin my pride 

And I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride 

I should be there on Broadway 

Knockin' 'em dead in "12 Angry Men" 

But instead I'm here tellin' these lame jokes 

Again and again and again and again and again and again and again 

Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet! 

That's an African bull elephant... 

And there it is, the backside of water! 

What have I done with my life?! 

I shoulda listened when my grandfather said 

"Why don't you major in business instead?" 

Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died 

And I'll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride 

Skipper Dan is the name 

And I'm doin' 34 shows every day 

And every time it's the same 

Look at those hippos, they're wigglin their ears 

Somebody shoot me cause I'm bored to tears 

Always said I'd be famous... I guess that I lied 

Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride 

I'm still workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride