Straightening Up The House Lyrics - Singles - Romanovsky And Phillips

(Sometimes getting the house ready for Mom & Dad's visit requires 

more than a dust rag and some Pledge...) 

Today I took the nudes down off the wall 

Ten minutes after I received her telephone call 

She'll be here Friday morning so there's not much time to clean 

Better hide the Advocate and Mandate magazine 

We'll redecorate the guest room so it looks like it's been used 

Separate our wardrobes or she'll really be confused 

Then get ready for a lonely week of sleeping on the couch 

We're straightening up the house 

Tomorrow I will put away your gay pride shirts 

And our Halloween assortment of jewelry, pumps and skirts 

Then pack up all the books by Quentin Crisp and Rita Mae 

And the "His & His" towels that you bought me yesterday 

And you'd better hide the albums by that lesbian group 

She has no ear for music, but she has been known to snoop 

And remember not to kiss me, just forget that you're my spouse 

Straightening up the house 

The snapshots of the two of us in Spain will have to go 

Don't tell me this is totally insane, because I know 

And I cannot wear the wristwatch with our names engraved in gold 

The one that says "I love you, John, with all my heart and soul" 

This is our first Christmas here in our new home 

In a hostile world, it's our only safety zone 

I never should have promised I'd continue with this lie 

But Dad was so certain if she found out she would die 

But if it's killing anyone I think it's killing me 

'Cause it tears me up inside to hide my true identity 

And asking you to help me makes me feel like such a louse 

I'm thirty-two years old, why am I acting like a mouse? 

I'm a man and he's my lover 

If she freaks out she'll recover 

C'mon and help me to just CLEAN the house!