Handy Lyrics - Mandatory Fun - Weird Al Yankovic

First things first, I'm a craftsman (craftsman) 

Remodelling is my only passion (it's my passion) 

And I'm the greatest in the business 

Want referrals, yo 

My clientèle will bear you witness (right, right) 

I can help when your door jamb sticks (heh?) 

There is nothing in the world I can't fix (yeah) 

I do tiles, I do stone, I do bricks 

Call me, I'll come rushing over with my bag of tricks (bag of tricks) 

Where you go when your disposal is rusted (rusted) 

Termite problem making you disgusted (yuck) 

When your front window is busted (hey hey hey) 

Just one man that's always trusted 

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I'm so handy, you already know 

I'll fix your plumbing when your toilets overflow 

I'm so handy, I'll bring you up to code 

When your dishwasher's about to explode 

Now you see that your furnace is needing some service 

I'm fully bonded, no need to be nervous 

Perhaps you would like a new counter Formica 

Maybe I'll hook up this here dishwasher-combo-dryer 

But all your pipes are antique 

Your water pressure's too weak 

You got an attic full of dry rot 

Because your roof sprung a leak 

Your fridge is starting to reek 

Your hardwood floors really squeak 

But don't you worry I'll just show you my amazing technique 

Now let me glue that, glue that and screw that, screw that 

Any random chore you got, well I can do that, do that 

Or maybe I'll just rewire your house for fun 

I got 99 problems but a switch ain't one 

Photos 

I'm so handy, everyone said so 

I'll grout your bathroom, resurface your patio 

I'm so handy, I'm the guy to know 

When your leaf blower doesn't blow-oh-oh-oh 

Patch the drywall, clean your gutters and mow the lawn 

Make that phone call, I'll install anything you want 

Yeah, check my big staple gun, my socket wrenches are second to none 

I won't quit 'til I'm done, don't even care if I hammer my thumb (OW!) 

Still rocking my screwdriver 

Got the whole world thinking I'm MacGuyver 

Your heating bills are shocking 

I can solve that with some duct tape and some caulking 

Your house is a disaster, huh? 

Need a guy who's a master with the plaster, huh? 

Let me be your stripper 

Taking off lacquer, no one does it quicker 

I'm so handy, you already know 

I'll beat all price quotes, my hourly rates are low 

I'm so handy, you should call this pro 

I'm in the phone book and se habla Español