Inner Voice Lyrics - Stan & Judy's Kid - Adam Sandler

I'm happily married with a house and three mistresses 

Even with the beard I'm not as hairy as my sister is 

Got a new Hummer, two Ferraris, and some Lexuses 

And all the girls I know got the big big breasteses 

I got a ten story mansion on the beach 

With a swimmin' pool filled up with the drool of Robin Leach 

Richer than a Twinkie, I got so much cash 

That to me Paris Hilton is poor white trash 

I take forty-seven weeks of vacation a year 

If people piss me off I can make 'em disappear 

Every time I sneeze I get a feature on the news 

The reporter says "gesundheit" and hilarity ensues 

And how did I get to be the man that I am? 

A god among men, only without the tan 

It's simple, every time I have to make a choice 

I just listen to my little inner voice, and he says 

"Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to your nostrils" 

OK 

"Steal all the milk from all the supermarkets and put it 

back in the cows" 

Alright 

"Find out which species of rodent is the most flammable" 

OK 

"Let's see what fun crafts we can make using only a chainsaw 

and Regis Philbin" 

Yeah! 

So how do I explain my little cranial expressions 

Intuition, premonition, or demonic possession? 

It could be God, an angel, or my dead uncle Paul 

Or that nasty purple fuzzy thing that lives in my wall 

Doesn't matter, and to be honest I don't wanna know 

'Cause thanks to him I've never had to deal with an HMO 

And I can go show off my rocket powered solid gold Benz 

I tell ya life is no much nicer with invisible friends 

"Record an all-banjo Falco tribute album" 

Done, and done. 

"Put on a tutu, glue two live wiener dogs to your face, and 

prance around the subway terminal screaming 'Stop looking at me!'" 

OK 

"There's no reason not to have sex with a cheese grater." 

Hmm, no, I suppose not. 

"Set up a stand outside of K-Mart with a plate full of frozen peas 

and a sign reading 'Take one!' If anyone asks you what the hell 

your doing, give them a button that says 'I asked about the peas!'" 

He's become my best friend, sticks with me to the end 

Thanks to him I'll never live on Ramen noodles again 

And he's always by my side, every minute, every hour 

Though it does get kinda creepy when I'm trying to take a shower 

Still I can't complain 'cause he made me rich 

And figured out it was the opossum milk that made me itch 

If it seems weird remember the voice made me do it 

I don't question what he says I just get up and get to it 

"Itemize everything in your cat's litter box for the next seven years 

and mail a report to the President with a note saying 'Here!'" 

Good idea 

"It's time to find out what urinal cakes taste like" 

If you say so 

"Get a black and white horizontally striped suit, a mask, 

and a bowling ball with a small length of rope hanging from it, 

and tiptoe around the airport." 

Sounds like fun 

"How old does a baby need to be before it's too big 

to fit down the toilet?" 

I don't know. Let's find out. 

"Keep swallowing magnets until your farts can erase video tapes." 

Will do 

So to that guy in my head I just wanna say thanks 

For removin' my angst, so I'm no longer shootin' blanks 

And now I own several banks, plus an inflatable watch 

And paid Justin Timberlake to let me kick him in the crotch 

I followed his advice and now I'm makin' major duckets 

If it wasn't for him I'd still be processing McNuggets 

So when life makes you feel like you should've stayed in bed 

Just listen to the voice in your head, and he'll say 

"Fat people are full of toys. Go get some!" 

Yeah! 

"Build a 20 foot tall nude statue of Tony Goldmark licking 

warm margarine off a malnourished dolphin out of onions, 

pez, and lint." 

With pleasure! 

"If Yanni didn't want to be set on fire and shoved down 

a flight of stairs, surely he would have said so explicitly by now." 

Yeah, I guess so. 

"Go to a McDonald's Playland, tie that big Officier Big Mac 

thing to the back of your car, and drive away at 90 mph. When a 

cop pulls you over, roll down the window and indignantly ask 'WHAT?'" 

You got it! 

"Move to New Jersey and become a comedy rap artist." 

Oh... do I have to?