Toll Booth Willie Lyrics - They're All Gonna Laugh At You! - Adam Sandler

[Car approaches] 

Toll Booth Willie: "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please." 

M1: "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?" 

Toll Booth Willie: "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!" 

M1: "Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a fuckin' idiot!" 

[Pays toll and drives off] 

Toll Booth Willie: "Go fuck yourself you son of a bitch! I'll come right 

outta the booth and fuckin' whack ya, you fuckin' prick!" 

[Another car approaches] 

M2: "Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?" 

Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?" 

M2: "Oh, great, great. How much?" 

Toll Booth Willie: "The state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop." 

M2: "That's fine. Now should I give you the money, or should I shove the 

quarters directly up your fat ass!?" 

[Pays toll and drives off] 

Toll Booth Willie: "Why you fuckin' hard on! I'll fucking Carlton Fisk 

yer fuckin' head with a Louise-ville fuckin' slugger! Whadya think of 

that ass fuck!?" 

[Another car approaches] 

F1: "Hi Willie." 

Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, huh?" 

F1: "Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out? I hear your the 

best with directions." 

Toll Booth Willie: "Well I know my way around New England. I can tell ya 

that much. So where ya headed?" 

F1: "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way to drive 

up your ass. You know, if you'd tell me, I'd appreciate it, you fuckin' 

prick." 

[Drives off] 

Toll Booth Willie: "You fuckin' bitch! Fuck you! You forgot to pay the 

fuckin' toll you dirty whore! I'll fuckin' drop you with a boot to the 

fuckin' skull you cum guzzling queen!" 

[Another car approaches] 

M3: "Hey Willie." 

Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, how are ya?" 

M3: "Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go fuck yourself." 

[Pays toll and drives off] 

Toll Booth Willie: "Dah, you fuckin' prick! I hope you choke on a 

fuckin' bottle cap, ya fuckin' son of a fuck! Eat shit! Eat my shit!" 

[Another car approaches] 

Bishop Nelson: "Hello Willie. Good to see you." 

Toll Booth Willie: "Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya. That was quite 

a sermon you had the other day." 

Bishop Nelson: "Hey, well I do my best." 

Toll Booth Willie: "Dollar twenty-five, Bishop." 

Bishop Nelson: "Dollar twenty-five, Willie. Isn't that the same price 

your mother charges for a blow job, you piece of dog shit!?" 

[Pays toll and drives off] 

Toll Booth Willie: "Ohhh! Have another one, you fuckin' lush! It's not 

my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya fuckin' douche bag!" 

[Another car approaches] 

M5: "Hey!" 

Toll Booth Willie: "Well hey!" 

M5: "Yeah, do you want the money, or should I just shove the quarters 

directly up your fat ass!?" 

[Pays toll and drives off] 

Toll Booth Willie: "Well, I already heard that one you fuckin' 

unoriginal bastard! Go suck a 

corn you fuckin' piece of repeatin' shit!" 

[Another car approaches] 

F2: "Hi." 

Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, hi. How are ya?" 

F2: "Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?" 

Toll Booth Willie: "For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five." 

F2: "Here ya go." 

[Pays toll] 

F2: "Thank you." 

[Begins to drive off] 

Toll Booth Willie: "Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt with 

that?" 

F2: "Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much." 

[Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her] 

Toll Booth Willie: "And here ya are." 

F2: "Umm, do you think you could sign it?" 

Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, uh.. sign it?" 

F2: "Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here." 

Toll Booth Willie: "Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?" 

[Signing receipt] 

F2: "Just so I could have proof for my friends that I met the biggest 

fuckin' dip shit with the smallest dick alive. You understand." 

[Drives off] 

[Crumples up paper] 

Toll Booth Willie: "Fuck you, you fuckin' upity bitch! I'll fuckin' fuck 

you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front of your fuckin' 

mothers! You're gonna die, bitch! I'm comin' outta the booth!" [Opens 

the door and runs out of the booth] 

[Car screeches and hits him] 

Toll Booth Willie: "Ooooh! My fuckin' leg!" 

M6: "Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!" 

M7: "Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over 

a dried up stinky dick licker." 

Toll Booth Willie: "Why you fuckin' pricks. I fuckin' hear every fuckin' 

word yer saying! 

When this fuckin' leg heals, I'm gonna kick you guys new fuckin' 

assholes! 

[Everyone cussing eachother out]