Wwjd?

Blood spills, terror fills, world is on its knees. You think a little faith will stop catastrophe. Well I've got news for you, it's looking pretty bleak.

Titty Bar Christmas

Blue Balls. Blue balls. Its dollar night at the titty-club. See Them Dance. On My Pants. Soon it will be Bathroom Time.

The First Queer Santy Claus

The first queer Santy Claus. Wore red leather chaps. And a pair of white shorty shorts. That had a hole in the butt crack.

Santy Claus, Santy Claus

Redneck Santy Claus

nobody likes a redneck. until their car breaks down then everybody likes a redneck. well i like me a redneck santy clause. redneck santy clause has his slay on lifts.

Poop Lasagna

POOP, I LOVE MY POOP LASAGNE.. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME, I LOVE MY POOP LASAGNE.. MIXED IN, IT'S ALL CRAP, CRAP CRAP CRAP FOR ME,. BEING THAT RAP IS CRAP, HEY! THERE'S MY POOP LASAGNE. ALWAYS IT HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME, ALWAYS IT WILL BE HERE FOR ME..

On The First Day Of Christmas

On a first day of Christmas. My true love gave to me. Clap and I left her.

Oh Holy Crap

Oh holy crap, I think I got a flat tyre. I'm in the middle of a Puerto Rican neighborhood.

O Little Girl From Birmingham

Looking Good At The Flea Market

You ever go to a drive-in movie, start drinking, get drunk, pass out in your car, and the next morning you're part of flea market?. Then you feel bad, you ain't got nothing to sell up there, you know. All the Mexicans are mad at you, you know. They running around up there..

I Wish My Mother-in-law'd Get Hit By A Car

I wish my mother-in-law'd get hit by a car. I wish my mother-in-law'd get hit by a car. I wish my mother-in-law'd get hit by a car. So I wouldn't have to, drinkin' bitch.

I Pissed My Pants

I pissed in my pants, the toilet was just to far. I drunk too much damn beer. I tried to hold it in but my bladder just gave in. And I pissed right through my drawers.

I Made The Bigg Times Now

Thank you!. Appreciate it!. Git-R-Done! But it's good to be here, I tell you.. When I come in here this evening and see my name out front in magic marker, boy I tell you what. Daggone..

Grandpa's Thanksgiving Story

This is the story of the first Thanksgiving, once again by my drunk grandpa:. . Many years ago...Christopher Columbus and his pilgrim buddies come to America on a boat called the Mayflower to live because the English King wouldn't let the Jewish people go..

Donny The Retard

Donny the Retard. had a 8 pound water head. he was 5 foot 3. and he said to me. "i like tater tots".. . "i like tater tots". . may be changed to. . "my name's Donny".

Couldn't Keep The Pizza Lit

Some girl's banging on my door the other day at four o'clock in the morning. I was like, "What in the world?" You know? So I got up and let her out. Tell you what, I was madder than Janet Reno's blind date..

Christmas Commentary

Get a job, you bum bum bum bum. money dont grow on trees, you bum bum bum bum,. . Silent Farts, Deadly Farts,. All was calm, Not for long,. . Oh come on ye little forner C.

Call A Doctor

Call the doctor, Earl is bleeding. Tried to pet my pit bull Sam. That stupid moron he knows better. Now he's in the doctors office. And he don't got no fricken hand.

A Letter To Shania Twain

Last Christmas I went up, Niceville. For a little vacation, and boy I love Shania Twain. Boy I tell you what, oh she makes me hornier. Than a retard watchin' baywatch.