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Alice's Restaurant Lyrics - Singles - Arlo Guthrie

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant 

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant 

Walk right in it's around the back 

Just a half a mile from the railroad track 

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant 


Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on, two years ago on 

Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the 

Restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the 

Church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and 

Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of 

Room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room, 

Seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't 

Have to take out their garbage for a long time. 


We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be 

A friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump. So 

We took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW 

Microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed 

On toward the city dump. 


Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the 

Dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a dump 

Closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off 

Into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage. 


We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the 

Side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the 

Cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile 

Is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we 

Decided to throw ours down. 


That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving 

Dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the 

Next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie. He said, "Kid, 

We found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of 

Garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And 

I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope 

Under that garbage." 


After speaking to Obie for about forty-five minutes on the telephone we 

Finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down 

And pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the 

Police officer's station. So we got in the red V-W microbus with the 

Shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the 

Police officer's station. 


Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done at 

The police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for 

Being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and 

We didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out 

And told us never to be see driving garbage around the vicinity again, 

Which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer's station 

There was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was 

Both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Obie, I don't think I 

Can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up, kid. 

Get in the back of the patrol car." 


And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the 

Quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of 

Stockbridge, Massachusetts, where this happened here, they got three stop 

Signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the 

Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars, 

Being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to 

Get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of 

Cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station. 

They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and 

They took twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles 

And arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each 

One was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, 

The getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to 

Mention the aerial photography. 


After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was going to put 

Us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your 

Wallet and your belt." And I said, "Obie, I can understand you wanting my 

Wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you 

Want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I 

Said, "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?" 

Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause he took out the 

Toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took 

Out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the, roll the 

Toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obie 

Was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice 

(remember Alice? It's a song about Alice), Alice came by and with a few 

Nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back 

To the church, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, 

And didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court. 


We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten 

Color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back 

Of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up, 

And Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy 

Pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he 

Sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the 

Twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with circles and arrows 

And a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog. 

And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with circles 

And arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry, 

'cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American 

Blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the 

Judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy 

Pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each 

One explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And 

We was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but that's not 

What I came to tell you about. 


Came to talk about the draft. 


They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street, 

Where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, 

Neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one 

Day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so 

I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to 

Look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted 

To feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York, 

And I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all 

Kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave 

Me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the psychiatrist, room 604." 


And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I 

Wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and 

Guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, kill, 

Kill, kill." And I started jumpin' up and down yelling, "Kill, kill," and 

He started jumpin' up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down 

Yelling, "Kill, kill." And the Sargent came over, pinned a medal on me, 

Sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy." 


Didn't feel too good about it. 


Proceeded on down the hall gettin' more injections, inspections, 

Detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me 

At the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four 

Hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty 

Ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was 

Inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no 

Part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the 

Last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there, 

And I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got 

One question. Have you ever been arrested?" 


And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre, 

With full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all 

The phenom, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever 

Go to court?" 


And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten 

Color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on 

The back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want 

You to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W, now kid!" 


And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's 

Where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after 

Committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly 

Looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father 

Rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And 

They was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the 

Bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest 

Father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 

'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me 

And said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay 

$50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" 

And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench 

There, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I 

Said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand, 

And we had a great time on the bench, talkin' about crime, mother stabbing, 

Father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the 

Bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of 

Things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it 

Up and said. 


"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna- 



Officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for 

Forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had 

Fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there, 

And I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it 

Down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the 

Pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the 

Other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on 

The other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the 

Following words: 


("Kid, have you rehabilitated yourself?") 


I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to 

Ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm 

Sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 

'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women, 

Kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and 

Said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints 

Off to Washington." 


And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a 

Study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm 

Singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar 

Situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a 

Situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into 

The shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get 

Anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if 

One person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and 

They won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, 

They may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them. 

And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in 

Singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an 

Organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said 

Fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and 

Walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement. 


And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and 

All you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the 



With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and 

Sing it when it does. Here it comes. 


You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant 

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant 

Walk right in it's around the back 

Just a half a mile from the railroad track 

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant 


That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud. 

I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it 

For another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired. 


So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part 

Harmony and feeling. 


We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing. 


All right now. 


You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant 

Excepting Alice 

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant 

Walk right in it's around the back 

Just a half a mile from the railroad track 

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant 


Da da da da da da da dum 

At Alice's Restaurant 

Writer: ,

Copyright: Atv Music Publishing Llc, The Bicycle Music Company, Royalty Network, Sony

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