A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying Lyrics - Hooray For Boobies - Bloodhound Gang

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night 

I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's hump palace lookin' for love 

It had been a while, in fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come 

And went since that midnight run haulin' hog to shakey town on I-10 

I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons 

Through a pair of daisy duke cut-offs 

And one of those fruit of the loom Tank-tops 

Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips 

Milky white skin and baby blue eyes, name was Russell 

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' 

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' 

Well, I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will 

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' 

Well, faster than you can say, shallow grave 

This pretty little thing come up to me 

And starts kneadin' my balls like hard boiled eggs in a tube sock 

Said her name was Bambi and I said 

"Well, that's a Coincidence darlin' 

'Cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a Deer" 

Well, she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern 

And I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask 

As I do my little kooky dance and then she told me to shush 

I guess she could sense my desperation 

Of course, it's hard to hide a hard-on 

When you're dressed like Minnie Pearl 

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' 

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' 

Well I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will 

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' 

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make 

All my fantasies come true 

So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is Jackhammerin' Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart 

As Garth Brooks gives birth to somethin' resemblin' a 

Cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" 

Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later 

I'm parkin' the beef bus in Tuna Town if you know what I mean 

Got to nail her back at her trailer 

Heh, that rhymes, I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on 

When I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula 

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' 

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' 

Well I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will 

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' 

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch 

Gave the tranny a spin and slid on into the 

Stinky pinky gulp n' guzzle big rig snooze-a-stop 

There I was browsin' through the latest issue of Throb 

When I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of the milk carton 

Well, my heart just dropped 

So I decided to do what any good Christian would 

You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold 

A half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher 

When your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler 

I never thought missing children could be so sexy 

Did I say that out loud? 

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' 

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' 

Well I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will 

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'